Spiritual abuse definition, according to family counsellors, is a form of abuse when an oppressor establishes control and domination using biblical dogmas, doctrine or his leadership role as a weapon in either a subtle or openly under the religious mask practice and exertion of power and control towards the victim. From this point, a woman or a man can weaponize scriptures to expend negative fulfillments towards the partners.
Spiritual abuse is exercised in a powerful tone because it will be perceived as a supernatural command, and oppressors will use this to fulfil the targets. In most cases, scriptures are contextually misused to convey the message as if God is himself speaking, so the person targeted must walk to the perpetrator's tune or get punished.
Spiritual abuse definition according to religious studies
Religious studies indicate spiritual abuse is close to emotional abuse; the difference is that spiritual abuse in marriage involves creating an image of isolation from God in which the form uses God’s word to dominate and rule over the oppressed. The victims are pressed into the position where it is hard to escape the abuse from understanding how God sees them.
Darby Strickland, the Counsellor and author of the Is it Abuse, says sometimes the partners in a marriage are unsure whether they are abused spiritually.
She lays out some of the misconceptions about spiritual abuse in marriage. “While abuse can cause marriage problem, it is not a marriage problem; it is about one person who is seen in particular who dominates the marriage,” she said,
Because of the danger of leaving an abusive marriage, you shouldn’t say something like, “I would never put up with that”. This is done under the pretext of fear and intimidation because they fear that spouses would punish them.
For instance, according to Darby, it would be hard for a woman to expose that she is being abused by her husband spiritually.
“We think we can identify abusive oppressors who normally act differently in the spotlight versus behind the scenes, especially if they are in church leadership. They are relatable and funny, and at home, when the sunlight is off, they are very different people. And how we identify the entitlement when that person is public or private is different. Sometimes it is a man in church doing glory jobs leading big ministries in the church, and oppressors often like to hear themselves talk and have trouble admitting their wrongdoings,” Darby confirms.
In Matthew 23, Jesus preaches about the hypocrites and critics preachers who do not practice what they preach and those who place heavy, difficult loads on others’ shoulders and cannot lift a finger to help them.
“Then Jesus said to the crowds and his disciples: The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honour at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.”
Darby points out that spiritual abuse, like emotional abuse, degrades another person, with the impact becoming much graver and much more damaging to an individual who faces emotional abuse.
“Physical Abuse happens episodically. Emotional abuse happens consistently in a routine manner, and the emotional abuse distorts the way they see themselves,” he said.